"Everyone wants a Saviour, no one wants a Lord."
The words echo in my mind this week. The free spirit has stopped to listen.
Is it true? Is that me? Have I thanklessly been freed and snatched my salvation then rejected His Lordship only to - in a fury of spirited living - entangle myself again?
I cannot be my own master. It's not for a lack of intelligence. I have some. It's not for a lack of will. I have plenty. It's for a lack of divine wisdom. I have none.
Have I surrendered myself to Him?
God has been so patient with me.
He watches and waits as I wrestle, frustrated, head down, eyes brimming with tears to untangle the messes I've made in my life. My own doing. He encourages, He comforts, He offers to help, but in my stubborn pride, I tell him I've got it. So, He waits patiently.
When will I stop and realize that He alone understands the tangle and has the wisdom, and the forethought to unravel the mess?
Why am I so stubborn? What purpose has it served? Have I mistaken it for strength? Such foolishness.
I still hesitate to call him to be Lord... because I know that means Lord of ALL. What am I holding back? What am I afraid I will lose? My freedom? My spirit?
My creator knows me. And, He is amused at his creation. A wild child. Barefoot, free, daring, unafraid... and... entangled. Again.
God, show me. I believe... but help my unbelief.
-Jennifer-