Friday, March 30, 2007

I think I might have some sort of sleep disorder. I can't quiet the voices in my head until around 2:30am (right around the end of my nightly prayer) the neighbor's dogs start barking around 3am, I get up to close the window around then. I usually find myself sleepwalking around 4:30am and the birds start chirping around 5:30am. Derek's alarm goes off around 6am. And, I'm just nestling into a good sleep around then. But, before you know it, it's time to get up, get the kids up, make breakfast and get homeschool started.

I used to hit the pillow and was out within minutes. I heard that's not good, but I'd still take that over what I've got now.

I toss and turn all night. Come morning, the bottom sheet on my side of the bed is completely removed from the matress and wrinkled up against Derek.

So what goes on in my head that keeps me up until 2ish? Oh, I think about the church, the last class I taught, what I shoulda said when my skinny sister told me she's on another diet, wonder why homeschool isn't progressing like it should, wondering if it would be worth it to bring out all my art supplies and make that thing that's been in my head for a few weeks, wonder if the freezer door is stuck open, wondering how cold it is outside, random things. Usually I don't settle in and think on just one thing. It's like a merry-go-round of ideas and worries.

This is a typical night. Though, other nights, the routine is disturbed by my arthritis in my wrist and knee. I happen to fall asleep but only to wake up to pain that immobilizes me... I try not to take meds at all, but especially not on an empty stomach... so I use heat therapy. Derek gets up and heats my heating pad in the microwave for me, and brings me a bottle of water and ibuprofen if I want it. About a half hour later I'm ready for slumber again. Or... if it doesn't work, then it'll take another hour to an hour and a half.

But... believe it or not... I'm not here to complain. I think I might have found a solution to the problem. Yay! And, I'll post it here if it works.

It's been literally a year since I worked out last. Mhm. And, I've gained the weight to prove it.

I think what I'll do is a calming, but trying workout after dinner... maybe even after the kids are in bed. I'll hit a hot shower and try to go to sleep from there. I think that maybe my body just isn't tired enough to force my mind to go to sleep.

I bought a ball and a band. I've watched some of the Australian-made video, I've looked over the book and it looks good. Haven't done it yet. Derek inflated the ball for me yesterday.

I've noticed that since I've not been sleeping well, I've been moody. Snappy. Weepy. Unmotivated. My poor, sweet family. This doesn't describe who I am all day... just what I've noticed that's different lately.

So, the poor sleep quality combined with enormous stress levels has made me just a little nuts. And, I'm ready for sanity again. A good night's sleep. Relatively unruffled sheets. And, as a by-product a little slimmer waist and thighs.

Any other non-medicine sleep suggestions?

Sunday, March 11, 2007

So, I'm sipping on my overpriced Caramel Frappaccino... getting to the good part - the whipped cream with caramel. Though usually it's here that my kids swarm in and try to finish it off for me. They're not allowed to have coffee, but whipped cream isn't off limits. Maybe if I keep the straw slurping quiet they won't hear me trying to finish of my drink for the first time in forever.

I've procrastinated writing in my blog. Even now, I start with my drink and wonder as I write if I'll ever get to the point.

In these last weeks we have had some major life difficulties and potential changes. Career and schooling choices (for Derek and me), homeschool testing (for the kids... but for some reason, I think I'll be the one getting the grade)... and extended family trouble (my little sister).

My sister came out of the closet a few weeks ago. And, it seems as though the only thing I've been working on since the beginning of February is nudging her to restoration with God. But, now... it's over... I'm exhausted, and she's living with her lover and her lover's daughter. My heart is broken and weary - but when I'm not weary... I'm angry. I suppose it will be another grieving process for me - and all those who love her. I've lost two sisters to death... and now I've lost one by choice. Her choice.

There aren't a lot of personal issues I can discuss publicly. Being a preacher's wife... there is some good sense I must exercise. Some of it is probably fine to talk about, but I would rather err on the side of caution.

However... it brings me to say this: if you have a "pastor", a "preacher" an "evangelist", or a missionary or church worker as a friend... take them out for coffee. Take time to listen with out trying to figure out which side of the political issue you will be on. Listen to the humanity spoken in their words... Yes... they are workers in the kingdom... yes... they walk by faith - but they are not superhuman - not without the need for good counsel themselves. They need friends who don't gossip, friends who will bring good advice after bringing a listening ear and an attentive spirit. Friends who will be forgiving when their faith fall short. Friends who will pray in the quietness of the morning or late night for them, for their families, for their ministry. Do you ever wonder who ministers to the ministers? Maybe it's you...

So... my frappaccino is done. Nothing left at the bottom but chunks of ice that were too big for the straw.

I'll get up from the computer and wander back into my life... tending to the kitchen, preparing for the week. And, when you get up from your computer, I hope you'll remember your minister... and ask him if he ever needed ministering to. And, listen as things get quiet.