A friend who must really know what I've gone through posted this on her blog recently. I pasted it here:

Scribbling a Masterpiece: Doodle to your DestinyAllowing God to make a masterpiece on the canvas of your life.

By Sue Anne Allen

When I was young, I quickly learned:"Praise, for coloring-in-the-lines, is earned.

"Daddy or Ma-Ma or Nana would say:"What a beautiful picture!" when I did not stray.

When I expanded beyond the bounds set forth,their eyes said my artwork had lost its worth.

"What is this scribbling that you've done?"

"It would look better if you hadn't runover the black line, closing in the 'right' shape."

I'd feel less good when my crayons escaped.
As I got older, I learned more to stayin the lines defined someone else's way.

I would smile a fake smile, whiting out my pain.

I worked hard to "squeeze in" to the acceptable frame.

But, try as I might, I often slipped beyond.

New life danced out of my crayon wands.

My crayons would skip.

My crayons would swirl.

I felt, when I drew, like God's treasured girl.

But up came the old voices:

"Mistake!" I would rage.

"What's this imperfection spewed all over the page?"
As I got even older, I lost control more.

God rapped quite loudly on my identity's door.

Pressure to "keep together" fought my need to "fall apart."

A life-and-death battle ripped my growing-up heart.

"I surrender to You, Lord."

"I'm torn to shreds at my seams."

I vomited, at His feet, the black-and-white of old dreams.

I was tear-drenched and hurting when God lifted my chin.

His eyes said: "You weren't made to keep your true colors in."

He dumped out my crayons.

He empowered my hand.

Together we scribbled toward the blessings he planned.
As my colors emerge, I'm happy to say:

"I'm glad I've chosen not to put my crayons away."

"Living between the lines" is only one choice.

That's not the place where I've noticed God's voice.

I've dabbled, expressed, doodled past the norm.

I've learned more to create and less to perform.

An original has emerged in my "off limits" space.

My inner colors, now, shade my outer face.

"What a beautiful picture!" is drawn out from within.

"For THIS I designed you," my Master grins.

And, I thought I was the only one...

-Jennifer-