I was looking at my calendar for this month and next. It just dawned on me... I may be going to visit my tribe in Canada next month! YAY! And... WHOAH! Am I ready? Can I possibly prepare my kids for it? My sweet husband? (He only found out that Indians still existed when we were dating!) My reservation - the one for the Montreal Lake Cree Nation, is the ghetto of most reservations that I have visited. Derek and I lived on the Navajo Reservation for six years... but it was quite plush compared to the one I came from. What an eye opener it will be for my family! What a difference they will see between where I came from and where they are. It might even explain a few things to my sweet, sweet husband. To me.

So, I 've been reading John and Staci Eldridge's book: Captivating. And, it has been! Wow... last night I read the 2nd chapter that described in beautiful detail how God created woman to be the zenith of his creation! What a revelation to know that I am not an after-thought, a tag-along. I learned that the word ezer means more than help-meet or assistant... but rather the one he couldn't do without... the one he needs desperately! I KNEW IT! But... it doesn't puff me up with pride... rather it calms my spirit. A sense of understanding... like the completion of knowlege and direction in me. It placed light in my soul that hadn't been touched my light in soooo long. I have hope.

Hope.

Is it a luxury? Am I supposed to live without it? Keep my nose to the grindstone out of mindless duty and sheer commitment? Or... is hope a fraction of the glory that awaits me for my faithfulness. Hope isn't a luxury it is a necessity!

I do what I do with hope today. Hope's rays have touched the darkest depths of my soul. Flood me with your brilliance, Lord...

Oh... and, Lord ... put your arm around my shoulder and a hand over my mouth. For now. :)


-Jennifer-